Chapter 11: Acid trip on Fernie's River

Acid trip on Fernie’s river

I was sitting right next to this wonderful river and I had just swallowed this little piece of cardboard that my temporary partner had given me so kindly, only a few days before. My tent was hidden about two hundred meters from where I was and I was sure that, although this was the first time I tried this substance, everything was going to go well, and that no one was going to find Jym who was sleeping carefully in it. Anyway, every time I left my equipment off, I had to keep telling myself that I really had nothing of value in my bag that was paradoxically so precious to me, so essential to the functioning of each of my days.

I watched the river water flow through the peaceful town of Fernie. The sacred movement of it became more and more pleasant to experiment. Then I saw the trees looking at me in turn. I felt the air slipping gently on my face, tickling my cheeks and the tip of my nose. I felt, in the hollow of my cheeks, the effect of the hallucinogen taking over more and more of my body, as if my soul was beginning to vibrate more lightly; not in an unpleasant way, but rather as if my inner light was getting excited and dancing to the idea of this mystical door that opened before it, more gaping than usual. I closed my eyes to experience the energy flowing through me and my own energy that seemed to want to be one with the universe. I felt like I feel after a long and powerful meditation, but, only, I had not done anything yet. It was so powerful and so easy to access that it was a miracle in itself. I felt changed, in the midst of a transformation, but as if being outside my comfort zone had become daily, I knew that fear was vain and that nothing could really happen to me; not because I would fight the wilderness, but because Eva whispered to me that nature was listening to me and protecting me if I believed in her and trusted her. I was fine, I was Zen, and I did feel my mind evolving through a door that kept growing.

I opened my eyes after a while and saw particles, which I would associate with energy, twirling in all directions, the same ones I had seen after a few transcendental meditations, a few days before, under the eclipse in the mountains. I could see them clearer than ever and there was now no space in my field of vision, even peripheral, which was not conducting those particles that were literally flying in all directions and swirling around everything that was. It was like a very fine, immaterial drizzle, vibrating and holding together everything that existed. I was delighted and surprised, at the same time, to realize that I had already seen this phenomenon, a few days earlier, without the help of a drug, except those that my body normally produces after a powerful meditation. I focused on the most egregious particles; those that swirled around the trees on the other side of this small river. Some trees rose higher than others, as if they were looking at me. At first, I thought they were judging me, even though I had the inner feeling that I was wrong and that these trees were watching me to protect myself. And the more I fixed them, the more I concentrated on looking at them, and the more the shapes that constituted the landscape were transformed into "Pattern" which were more and more subdivided into the same geometry, from the infinitely large to the infinitely small. As if the universe showed me on which model, so repetitive, it was built.

The more I concentrated, the more each small piece of the landscape was subdivided under a pattern that continued to repeat itself over and over again. Even the river, which was simply a different color at this point, repeated the same geometry that impressed me greatly. Then, at my will, I suddenly stopped concentrating, and everything became almost normal again, except for the etheric particles that I always saw dancing everywhere. I was so happy to be balanced on a scale that, on the one hand, was in control of myself, and on the other, i had the much-desired effect of the hallucinogen I wanted to experience. Then I focused again on the trees and the whole meaning of the universe reappeared at my request, as if I were passing and coming back through a spiritual door that remained open. It was just the beginning; it was eight pm and I knew that the next seven hours were going to be full of surprises. Alone in the forest of Fernie, I could not help but smile so hard and so loudly that my facial muscles were screaming all the time. Under the warm sweetness of a magnificent sunset, listening to the comforting rhyme of the river that flowed close to my eardrums, I almost apprehended with a sense of impatience the spectacle of the stars that was preparing behind the scenes; just after the first part the sun was offering me.

The spectacle was magnificent, but I was distracted, this time, by the cold of the approaching night. Nothing was unpleasant or dangerous, but Eva advised me strongly to go to Jym to ask for my sleeping bag, to continue my journey comfortably by the river. And if I had to, it had to be now, for the sun's rays were still present enough to guide me to my tent. I got up quickly, with a dyed smile to my ears, unable to contain it, I climbed the small mound that separated me from the main road, continued my way, to go to the other side of the road, into the woods. I passed in a small path where the trees formed an infinite arch above my head. I bypassed a few trees, some roots, some trunks and finally arrived at my tent which was still intact. I knew that there would come a time later when I would have to go back in the dark, but I would rather not think about it just yet. I asked Jym to give me my sleeping bag, my pillow and two big sweaters to make sure I did not come back, again for the same reason. Then I immediately returned to the same place near the river. I emptied all my pockets into the bottom of one of my sweaters, placed in bundles, to make sure I did not lose anything and did not break anything.

I now had everything I needed to be so comfortable by the Fernie River, which screamed its tranquility under a dazzling sunset. Always smiling, I took the time to thank the creative universe for embarking on this adventure where I contemplated, experienced, and learned every day. I thanked him for being here and now, in front of this magnificent landscape, and I appreciated, from the place deep in my heart, every wonderful event like the one I touched at the moment. I saw the first stars in the distance and my reflections, while seeing the visual "patterns" transformed in front of me, focused on the meaning of existence in itself: What are we? Why are we? Etc. Many religions put vital and spiritual energy in the foreground. For example, Eastern philosophies such as Buddhism and Shaolin approach this energy by naming it "Chi." It is also on this same energy that we focus on meditating. Hinduism calls it: The Prana, or by its culture, the Kundalini: the energy of the soul and the conscience for others.

At the time, in the state I was in, I felt that my reflection was taking the next step. I was not thinking anymore, it was like I was downloading information that was no longer developing within my psychological abilities, but as if new ideas were coming out of themselves. I felt that all this information was not generated by my brain or my light. My body was just receiving the instruction that my third eye was listening to carefully, and I was thinking:

The first lesson was about energy or "chi" per se, how to notice and how to grab it if you can really do it. Usually when I meditated, I focused first on my Chakras; those energy doors, built throughout our body, throughout our spine. So there are seven chakras that represent seven facets of our energy that we must, at least, aknowledge. These chakras are only the gates of the energy highway of our body and soul. What I didn't realize before this evening was that while it is imperative that the highway be straight and open from one end to the other to make sure that the energy flows well, you should know that the vehicle or the energy itself, or the "chi", is more important than the road it takes. For my future meditations, once my highway was cleaned, I had to focus more on my "chi" than on how my energy flows inside my chakras and trust my own soul.

I was surprised to learn by a process that would seamlessly go beyond mere reflection. I was also surprised that I had never thought of it before. This was what differentiated the experience I was experiencing from a simple reflection, for I had no doubt about the veracity of the information that confirmed itself by entering my being. I felt like the first time I was able to meet Eva and chat with her, using some magic mushrooms. I asked her if she was the one who helped me learn. She immediately replied that she had nothing to do with it. She was only a guide; a friend who was meant to guide me with my intuition. She told me that it was futile and useless to try to understand how my experience was going, and that the message was more important than the teacher. I immediately reconnected to this one:

The "chi" was therefore the energy of life that flows through us. This energy of life is so powerful that it constitutes all that one can know in the universe, that if one reduces the universe to its smallest expression, the universe is the "chi" that expresses itself under an infinite number of different and divine frequencies and vibrations. So, the energy that constitutes us is the same that constitute the whole universe. Once, by the same to the fact, this energy creates reality as we know it. And that is why we are one in a cosmic whole; of the smallest etheric particle that makes us up, to the infinity of the universe.

We are the universe, and the universe is us, by our energy. While each person is different and unique at the earthly level, and despite sharing the same and unique energy; uniform throughout existence, our way of evolving would only be to calibrate our vibrations to synchronize our individual frequencies with the original creative energy; God, in other words, no matter how pure it is. Here, I am not necessarily saying to abandon one's personality, for the beauty of a society is seen in all its nuances. But rather to abandon one's ego; this facet that creates a separation between man and his neighbor, by learning, by experimenting, by being the best person and the most positive for oneself and for others.

I was simply happy to confirm this information that I thought was so important. I was thinking about myself. I had learned a lot about the theory, in recent months, with my esoteric interests, but I was now, indeed, experimenting it. I was already trying to give my best, for others and for myself. But exercise is always difficult to practice at any time of the day. One good way to do this would be, among other things, meditation that allows you to readjust certain vibrations that could give way to a loss of control. It is by controlling our different vibrations, especially through breathing, that we can literally begin to create miracles for ourselves and for others.

Everything that differentiates us, at the characteristic level, then, is only certain vibrations inside us, which make us react impulsively here and there, because we rely on our environment to regulate these divergent vibrations, instead of relying only on ourselves. And when we lose control, indulging in lower vibrations, suffering can happen, for others and for ourselves, because since we are all connected by this energy, we can all also transmit it to others. And that is how we evolve. Nothing or no one is better than the other. It is all about vibration, and the goal of our evolution is simply to tune our frequencies with the universe, with the planet, with ourselves and with others to achieve harmony, like the arrangement of several notes in a range that create an even more powerful sound when they are all brought together. Also, paradoxically, when the vibrations of others are wrong for us, it is because we recognize these same distortions within ourselves, without realizing it, and that is what bothers us deep within us. On the other hand, if we have problems with someone, it is much easier to understand that our vibrations are simply not at the same frequency and that by adjusting them, we can help others to adjust their own. For if our collective energy is co-creator of our reality, it is only together, by adjusting our vibrations, that our evolution will take place.

I unfocused a little bit, letting my brain assimilate all the information. It was a lot to think about at the same time. I felt like I was in a master class where I was the only student, learning directly from the stars and giving me an extraordinary show. I saw the stars connecting with each other to create shapes, unknown symbols in the sky, to project information directly to the center of my brain. I was still so connected to my energy that I could control the effects of the drug that was flowing through my body. I was looking at the shape of the gigantic trees that rose on the other side of the river. Still at about the same distance, there was a tree that rose higher than the others, beyond its own paradise, to look at me and to remind me that I was protected by Mother Nature. I was alone with the darkness of the forest, at the foot of the river, and I felt only safe. I could not see or hear any animals. Even no mosquito tried to taste my bloody nectar. I felt one with nature and with those trees that protected me. Then, I examined the magnificence of the stars, the way they communicated with each other, and especially the countless shooting stars that surprised me each time, repeatedly proving to me the divinity of our cosmos. Then they went on:

The teaching I was receiving on "chi" was just beginning. I knew it was a kind of completion, partly self-taught, that was accumulating to everything I had already learned on the subject for a few months. I still felt that with this, I could see life in a different light. As for my own vibrations, the side of myself that I had to sharpen was, first, my meditations, because I had just started practicing and I still had a lot to learn about its techniques. Meditation is a good way to take control of your energy and learn about your vibrations as long as you know that meditation yoga is a way of life and not just an activity. Because we vibrate throughout the day, we must then have control of our body, our head, our mind, and our emotions at all times, in our attitude, in our habits, with our food, etc. Because it is all connected. That is why it is, first and foremost, important to recognize the energy that inhabits us and to always recognize it.

The body is the temple and the vehicle of the soul, and therefore energy. That is why it absorbs, contains and transforms it. If the body is not ready or able to retain energy, a minimum of it will be considered, while the container has infinite transformation potential. It is important to know your body, your physical abilities and sharpen them. A strong mind cannot stand in a weak body and a flexible mind cannot stand in a rigid body. As everything in the universe is vibrations, it must be understood that the body, in its three-dimensionality, is like the pulsations of a heart. Therefore, it must be cultivated outwards and then inwards. It’s, therefore, important to do more intense activities, to push your body to its limits, then to alternate with more internal activities such as yoga, qigong, or simply walking in nature. But beware, the development of yoga with our North American mentality pushes us to see discipline as a very physical activity, while a calm breath is essential to the preparation of the body to receive energy. It is in this way, by preparing our body, that we can better understand it, control it, and connect with our "chi". And it is this same science, with its chakras and meridians, that uses Tai-chi or acupuncture. Then, the more the body allows a good circulation of energy, the more it circulates throughout the spine, synchronizing with the vibrations and meanings of each chakra. The energy rises in descends, spiraling, on one side and on the other side of the column, intersecting between them, which allows it to continue to circulate freely. That is why, when we know the different chakras, when we know where they are located, when we understand their meaning, we know our own body much better, because everything is connected, and if the highway is open, if the "chi" circulates well, it can literally produce miracles.

Kundalini is also our sexual and orgasmic energy. When you think about it, it only makes sense, because if the male orgasm is the physical and chemical action of the creation of life, it might as well be its spiritual action. Once it would be the ecstatic release of a divine and cosmic energy conducive to creating a life to transcend dimensions and bring a soul to be incarnated on this earth.

So, if we continue in this logic; someone's energy strength accumulates, contains, works, and becomes stronger and stronger. It can often be felt as sexual tension. And let us remember that this energy that inhabits us is divine. That is why it must be respected, for wasting it alone or with anyone can be seen by some scholars as sacrilege. This is how monogamy can be conceived. Because energy becomes an engine of love sharing. Instead of being wasted for simple desires at low vibrations, it becomes important to share and cultivate with our teammate. This same energy, cultivated preciously, thus becomes a symbol of inner, mental, physical, and spiritual strength, a kind of virility through abstinence. And that is also why, in the very creation of certain religions, women veil and dress themselves heavily; to respect man in his energy conservation, in his manhood. Although now, many religions have been alienated by political decisions in order to control. But this is also why, in other religions, only scholars must practice total abstinence. However, we must prioritize the balance between body, head, and mind, to the detriment of this culture of energy, so as not to become, in our turn, alienated. This is why if the “kundalini” becomes too felt, and the person does not concentrate on being in balance with his energy, his own "chi", poorly calibrated and too accumulated in the form of sexual energy, can lead him to madness and cause him to make unsightly gestures. That is why we hear about sex scandals within religion. As with anything, everything in excess is harmful.

My heart and brain were boiling, sending electric shocks to my cheeks and lips that kept smiling at the immensity of this “shaolin" learning that I had to receive to continue my quest. I was just ecstatic, but I still had to take a break. It was now already three o’clock in the morning, and my eyes were just as gaping as the door of my mind. Suddenly I felt a certain disappointment rising in me, for if this force that inhabits us is so malleable, why was I, at the moment in the forest, powerless to change the world as I would have for so long? I got up with the intention of wanting to change the world, with the strange feeling of having that potential in me, and with the will to simply want to become better than myself. I wanted to change the destiny of humanity, as the great prophets had done before me. Perhaps I saw myself as larger-than-life in this sweet moment, but I felt that I understood the depths of the energy that inhabits us all, the universe.

I got up, I looked at the stars that still seemed to have a few words to say to me before the end of this interview. Then I went to the river, accompanied by my gentle intuition. A few steps further, I practically touched its bed. The trees, the stars and the moon were still watching me, and I looked at them in turn knowing that they were witnesses to my journey, my will, and my person. My feet were leaning on rocks and I began to pray loudly inside my head and then out loud. I asked everything that could exist above me to show me the way. Even to make me disappear from the world, just for a moment, to facilitate my learning. I asked the divine beings, the angels, the aliens, the spirits, God himself to give me a quick learning, whereas after reflection I was already receiving it. My human side: my ego was never satisfied and wanted even more. I asked them to know, I even prayed that they would come and take me away from this ungrateful world. I had nothing left to lose, and even though I knew people who still cared about me, at that moment my prayer was nothing of a cry for help or a desire to disappear. I prayed to be better able to help the people I love.

Eva reminded me of the order, suggesting that I meditate to synchronize my vibrations of intensity that took control over my decisions. She was right. The teaching I was receiving was the one I wanted, and time being only a distance, like traveling with my thumb, I just had to learn to wait until I got to the next city. I returned to my original location, used the lotus position, closed my eyes and let myself go, while I had a revelation that summed up the heart of all this teaching:

If I really wanted to achieve something, I had to stop wanting and hoping, or even stop working hard without looking at what life was giving me, and I had to lift my head up to just be where I wanted to be and look forward. For if time is somewhat different from what we hear from it, and rather than being the rotation and revolution of the main celestial bodies that concern us, it is only a series of several probabilities of events that pile up like the leaves of an infinite notebook. Our creative energy would choose certain events and synchronize with the frequencies of these, which are essential to the best evolutions, to finally help adjust its frequencies to purer ones. And the more we vibrate at pure frequencies, the more we are aware of it, the more the series of events that seem to happen to us seem to have meaning and seem to be aligned with our destiny. Moreover, if our energy creates reality, it creates space-time itself and not the other way around. So, somewhere within this creation, the event to which we aspire already exists and already vibrates at a certain frequency. It is enough to find a way to synchronize with the frequencies of this space-time to achieve its ends. That way, anything is literally possible. It is enough to vibrate at the frequency that one wants to vibrate and stop only sucking in. To stop wanting it, but only to be it. To bring one's "chi" to create desired events, controlling one's vibrations: by cultivating good emotions and being a good person; Learning and experimenting cultivating one's body and mind. Balancing the head, body, and spirit.

I was now captivated: stop wanting and only be. It was the greatest lesson I could apply, for all my purposes, for everything I really wanted to become. For all that I am. All I had to do was vibrate in a different way, for all the miracles I wanted to perform. Moreover, I realized at the moment that my meditations had to be both much more serious, but at the same time, also, much more relaxed. I had to stop wanting to cling to methods and chakras, and I only had to be my divine energy that passively observes the body and mind relaxing. I had to stop wanting to meditate and just be in meditation. Being my own energy that watches me think, because if I think and judge my exercise, I am only my brain, while I have to go beyond it. I must only be passive and peaceful. My spirituality had just taken a new turn. I took the time to continue a meditation and everything was so easy, so sweet.

I got up, took all my accessories, and began to turn back to my tent, as if the school bell had just sounded and the class was well and truly over. Plus, it was more than four am in the morning and I had a big day the next day because I wanted to travel a great distance. This time, completely in the dark, I passed the mound and the road, I went into the forest path, jumped the roots and trees, I literally felt myself flying. Then, without any fear, I was back to my tent. Jym was still there, sleeping peacefully. I was careful not to wake him up, and lay down beside him, tired. Looking at my phone one last time, my vision showed me that the drugs still had some effect on me, because everything was moving on my screen. I had a small conversation with Skull's mistress who seemed impressed that I was comfortable enough with myself to experience this kind of experience alone in nature. She also told me that she was in the West Bank neighborhood and that she could expect me go visit her. I told her that I was going to join her as soon as possible.

The muscles in my legs were starting to pull through dehydration due to this drug. I had not even thought about bringing me water, again. I thanked nature, the sky, the cosmos for this gentle teaching, and then fell asleep not so peacefully, hidden in the paths, near this, now complicit, river of this town of British Columbia, the so-called Fernie.